How to upstage an awards ceremony in three easy steps...
Posted by Feren (Jason Olsen) on Tue 13 Aug 2002 - 23:07
1)Attend ceremony
2)Become overwhelmed by cute lobsters
3)Grab them from the pot before they're boiled and run down the driveway shouting "I'm saving the lobsters, I'm saving the lobsters!"
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About the author
Feren (Jason Olsen) — read stories — contact (login required)a network engineer and Black panther from Chicago, Illinois, interested in furry literature, art, and camaros
Sometimes network engineer. Sometimes coder. Sometimes ranting editorial writer.
Comments
*snort*!
The story is cute, but the summary gave me a massive giggle fit. Kudos, Feren!
Melissa "MelSkunk" Drake
"Next year we're going with hot dogs."
It'd be harder to, uh, "rescue" the meal when it isn't recognizable as a single animal!
That said, I do refuse to eat lobster when I'm dining out because of the way it's killed. Same for milk-fed veal for the way it's raised. I know a lot of the staples I do depend on aren't much better... but I try.
I don't eat lobster because I don't like the taste.......
And they are NOT and endangered species either.
-Badger-
Oy.
I think I'm now officially embarrassed to be a Massachusetts resident. Either that, or I'll go out and have a few lobsters tonight to celebrate. Not sure...
--
Rabbit Valley Customer Service
Rabbit Valley Comics
5130 S Fort Apache
STE 215 PMB 172
Las Vegas, Nevada 89148
Phone: 702-291-8286 (Orders 11:00 AM - 5:00 PM EST)
Website: http://www.rabbitvalley.com/
Email: customerservice@rabbitvalley.com
Holy crap... okay, I'm officially scared of people like that now. O.O'
Tlaren }:=8}
Listen up brothers and sisters, come hear my desperate tale
I speak of our friends of nature, trapped in the dirt like a jail
Vegetables live in oppresion, served on our tables each night
The killing of veggies is madness, I say we take up the fight
Salads are only for murderers, cole slaw's a fascist regime
Don't think that they don't have feelings, just cuz a radish can't scream
CHORUS
I've heard the screams of the vegetables (scream scream scream)
Watching their skins being peeled (Having their insides revealed)
Grated and steamed with no mercy (burning off calories)
How do you think that feels (bet it hurts really bad)
Carrot Juice constitutes murder (and that's a real crime)
Greenhouses prisons for slaves (let my vegetables grow)
It's time to stop all this gardening (it's as dirty as hell)
Let's call a spade a spade (is a spade is a spade...)
I saw a man eating celery, so I beta him black and blue
If he ever touches a sprout again, I'll bite him clean in two
I'm a political prisoner trapped in a windowless cage
Cuz I stopped the slaughter of turnips by killing five men in a rage
I told the judge when he sentenced me, this is my finest hour
I'd kill those farmers again just to save one more cauliflower
CHORUS
How low as people do we dare to stoop
Making young broccoli's bleed in the soup
Untie your beans, uncage your tomatoes, let potted plants free
Don't mash that potato
I've heard the screams of the vegetables (scream scream scream)
Watching their skins being peeled (fates in the stir fry are sealed)
Grated and steamed with no mercy (you fat gourmet slob)
How do you think that feels (leave them out in the fields)
Carrot Juice constitutes murder (V8's genocide)
Greenhouses prisons for slaves (yes your compost's a grave)
It's time to stop all this gardening (take up macramé_)
Let's call a spade a spade (is a spade is a spade...)
Power to the peas
Give peas a chance
All we are saying is give peas a chance
(By the Arrogant Worms. Who else?)
Right after "Don't mash that potato" is the immortal line:
Spare a spud! Eat a cow instead!
And the angel of the lord came unto me
snatching me up from my place of slumber.
And took me on high and higher still
until we moved to the spaces betwixt the air itself.
And he brought me into a vast farmlands of our own midwest.
And as we descended cries of impending doom rose from the soil.
One thousand, nay a million voices full of fear.
And terror possessed me then.
And I begged "Angel of the Lord what are these tortured screams?"
And the angel said unto me,
"These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!
You see, Reverend Maynard,
tomorrow is harvest day and to them, it is the holocaust."
And I sprang from my slumber drenched in sweat
like the tears of one million terrified brothers and roared,
"Hear me now, I have seen the light!
They have a consciousness, they have a life, they have a soul!
Damn you! Let the rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers!"
Can I get an amen? Can I get a hallelujah? Thank you Jesus.
-Tool-
[Gotta love that Maynard sometimes]
JenWolf
Say, is it just me, or is this woman a total fool?
BTW -- Chip, love the song. Now THAT deserves its own video!
Ardashir
No, it is not you, citizen- she is a fool.
Move along now, nothing to see here......
Stormtrooper TK864,
Mos Eisley garrison.
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